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My little one

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When I hear the sounds of laughter I can see your tiny cheeks The corners of your lips pulling ever so slightly to the sky. I will forever hear your giggles, echoing in my mind. While your eyes rolled up and down with the joy you felt inside. You loved the world so deeply, I could never understand How one so small and frail could love bigger than any in the land The dimples in you knuckles were the sweetest things to trace as we snuggled you all day and night while trying to keep up the pace. Life's race got the best of us But we know you'll be close by as we try our best to understand and ask ourselves but why? We loved you as best as we knew how We watched you grow and felt the woe as we knew our time would end But through the grief I find relief to know that you are in God's hand. God had a better plan although we may not understand God will give you all the love that we couldn't give just yet. He knows your truest hopes, and your dreams they will come true While G...
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The Funny Thing About Parenting A Special Angel

So here's the thing about being a parent of a child who is medically complex or 'Special Needs'. You dream of having a day off. A day that would give you the chance to take a long shower, or go out for lunch with a friend or even just take a nap. You constantly LIVE for someone else. You see a child doing something as simple as playing with blocks, and you have an internal battle with yourself to keep your feet planted in that spot instead of running away to cry the heartache away. You live each day working with a child who literally depends on you for EVERY SINGLE THING and may continue that for the rest of their life.  You love watching other peoples children because you miss out on the little things with your own. You work so hard & fight for the chance to get a home nurse or even just someone you trust to come help watch your child just to get a minute to BREATH. But here is the funny part- The moment that you get that break, or you get that nap, yo...
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Becoming A Mom-Again

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*Trigger Warning-Loss of "fetus"* On a Wednesday morning, laying in a hospital bed. That was where my journey of becoming a mother began. She was 6 lbs and 15 oz of chubby cheeks and black fussy hair with big blue eyes. I remember lying in the bed and not wanting to look away from her tiny messy face. I remember feeling terrified that I was now a mother. I was now the new sole caregiver of a tiny, helpless human, who would now rely on me for food, shelter, love, hygiene, literally everything. Even with the fear of failure in the back of my mind I had never felt so complete. I remember riding in the back seat of the car to make sure she was happy and knew I was there. I would watch her sleep for weeks, not because I was afraid but because I was so utterly in love with that tiny child. She grew too fast, so fast in fact that at the age of 1.5 she was wearing size 5T clothing and weighed close to 45 lbs. There were literal years of exhaustion with her. She d...
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